Courtesy vs Chivalry

(This is a long overdue post. I meant to post this soon after my Asia trip last July, but yeah. Whatever. I know nobody waited.)

Chivalry is something that isn't known among Asians, at least among the Asian guys.

I perhaps was immune and even oppose to such idea years ago, but then with the environments I was in, I got accustomed to it. 

I grew up alone, so I had to do things by myself most of the time.

Sure, my parents were there and I had some older cousins, but I did more to my younger cousins than being on the receiving end. I always didn't like somebody doing something for me anyway, and I thought people should not rely on others.

One day when I was in high school, I saw one friend who held girls' hands as they got off cars. 

At that time, I thought "WTF dude". But then I got used to it and I got used to it some more as I had many non-Korean friends (and almost no Korean friends).

I guess I submitted to their expectations, but then I also enjoy helping in general and it certainly fits in that category.

For me, it wasn't about chivalry, but it was being courteous.

So things changed.

I open doors for people who are in my way or immediately after me, I'd help some people who'd have trouble with bags at the airports, or help with carts or strollers on stairs or bumpy roads. Those kinda stuff came easy. I didn't care whether those were for girls or guys, in any age or whatever. 

But I still don't really go out of my way to help people though. For example, I don't really open doors for the cars if it's not in my way. I like being courteous, I still don't know about chivalry and I slightly repel to that idea still because I am used to do things on my own and expect nothing from others.

Last June, when I was in Korea, I was a little surprised to find myself being shocked at people being "rude". 

My cousins and I went out to drink, and one didn't hold the door open for the girl cousin entering. I was shocked so I reprimanded at the spot. (Thinking back, I am shocked that I was shocked.) His reply was: Nobody in Korea does that except when it's his girlfriend. My reply was something that surprises me now that I am thinking again: She is a girl, and she is like a real sister for both of us. 

A similar event occurred, too, a couple days later. I was having dinner with my friends and I was told that it was nice of me to hold doors and stuff. My two girl friends were not taking it as granted, and it was not just a simple meaningless "thanks" I hear in the US. I think I also reprimanded the other friend and his reply was the same with my cousin's: They are not my girlfriends.

I guess I've changed, but come to think of it, my argument should have been "you should be courteous"  than "you should do those coz they are girls". I was just used to the things I hear and watch in the US.

I am still good with helping others and being courteous, and some things are just automatic habits for me now. I think those parts I am okay with, Koreans should do it rather than being "rude". Being chivalric is another, and Koreans shouldn't get confused with the two. It's nice to help people... 

It's almost sad and funny to think of the confused looks on people I held door for 5 days I was in Korea. 

PS: Last December, I was told - for the first time ever - about me not opening the car doors. It certainly led to a thought on chivalry, but I think I slowly gave in. I am still not used to getting car doors, and I still forget very often, but I feel bad once I realize I had forgot about it. Why and how these things have been implanted in my brain? I don't know. But they are there now. Yes. I also do get confused between "being courteous" and "being chivalric", but I at least do those things that make people and I feel better.