Friends with my ex?

Although it would make things much easier
in the dating world, relationships rarely see
mutual break-ups. One person is usually the
heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the
break-up and pain for weeks, even months.
It's never easy to break up with someone
you've shared good times with (and even if
they were bad times, they were still times).
But the person who does the breaking up
feels like less of a bad guy by offering that
sense of truce: "It's not you, it's me. We'll still
be friends, right?" This peace offering of
friendship provides the dumper with the
solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible
person because they still want to be friends
with their ex.
I've created a monster

Not only does it give the dumper the comfort
of knowing they aren't monsters, but by
wanting to remain friends, it also allows the
dumper to feel that their former lover will still
be in their life, and they won't have to miss
having them around. So now the dumper can
move on with their life with ease, and with the
pleasure of having coffee with their former
mate every so often -- but the ex whose heart
was ripped out and chewed up by the person
who keeps leaving them friendly messages
and e-mail isn't a happy camper. Obviously,
these messages on the machine and coffee
dates don't last long, and if they do, they end
even worse than the break-up. Yes, being
friends with an ex-lover is an impossible feat:
find out why. Exes must stay that way.

You've Seen Each Other Naked

Although it may be possible to have casual
sex with a friend, even this can damage a
relationship. As hard as it is to accept, it's
difficult to bring a relationship back to its
normal state after having been most intimate
with someone. You will always have an
image of that person naked, and memories
of the trysts will always be triggered by the
smell of her skin or perfume, or even by
hearing a song that you once made
passionate love to. And as thick-skinned as
you are, it's hard to see the person in the
same light after being entangled in each
other's skin and sharing a moment of sheer
ecstasy with one another. Why else can't
exes become friends?

You Can't Confide In Each Other

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they
can never really confide in one another other.
How do you tell your ex that you have a hot
date tonight, or that you and your new lover
are going away on a steamy getaway? You
can't even tell your ex that the reason you're
smiling so much is because a woman has
just pleasured you like never before. You can
tell her these things, but new lovers and
mates are always going to be a sensitive
issue. It's even harder to tell her how hurt you
were that your date stood you up the other
night, thanks to your sense of pride.
Remaining friends seems to provide us with
the security blanket that the person who has
been in our life will still be there, and we can
call on them every once in a while to find out
how they are -- but we'll never actually know
how they really are.

Always One-Sided Bitterness

Since break-ups are rarely one-sided, one
party will always feel resentment or
bitterness towards the other person. Even if
your ex is feigning friendship, she's not
sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans
with your new potential woman are always
being sabotaged, they just might be.
Jealousy Comes Into Play And where there's
bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of
the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy
for your ex when they've just found the new
love of their life.

You Don't Want Them With Anyone Else

It's human nature to be jealous or resentful
when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up
to, even if we don't have feelings for them
anymore. It almost becomes a race of who
will find the new lover first, a challenge
especially brought on by the person who was
dumped. Even for the person who did the
breaking up, the thought of someone else
taking your place in the memories that you
and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes
extremely painful to fathom. Passion Still
Exists Even if your relationship was
completely problem-ridden, chances are that
the passion and sexual chemistry between
the two of you still exists (unless lack of
attraction was the reason for your break-up).
This is a recipe for disaster because it
means that every time you get together under
this new "friendship" premise, the lust and
passion you have makes it more likely that
you'll end up in "one more" night of
unbridled "goodbye" sex, for old times sake.
This brings you right! back to square one --
how you felt right after your break-up, and just
when you were doing so well.

Moving on

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and
you don't want part of your past still
programmed in your cell phone. Although it's
easier for the dumper, recovering from a
break-up is still a hard thing to do since it
means being single again, getting back into
the dating scene, and no longer making that
daily goodnight call you and your ex used to
share. But having that person still lingering in
your life as a constant reminder makes it
even harder to move on with your life, meet
new people and turn a fresh page. It's
almost like keeping one foot in the past, and
another struggling to make it back into the
pickup scene. It also might be a better idea to
leave things with pleasant memories of the
other person, rather than drag the potentially
doomed relationship through the mud. In a
perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to
succeed at being friends, but in one where
bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human
nature exceed reasoning and rational
thought, it's impossible. So unless the two of
you were the best of friends before; both
broke up on the same terms in a perfectly
mutual break-up; both have no qualms about
either of you seeing new people, and have
both instilled a total honesty policy, better to
leave the friendship behind... along with the
memories.