Despite of how much I try to behave differently,
it's so difficult to do so.
I believe that my philosophy is already firmly formed,
like those ancientgreek pillars that are standing for tens of centuries...
it's very difficult to act differently than who I am - or who I've become...
I've been trying to adapt and give some changes,
but it just won't happen...
I am still theone who behaves whole-heartedly in every act,
I am still theone always sits in the bar, just to drink...
I am still theone who has been for two years.
I am still the one whose idea of letting things go is just a part of everyday life,
who can love everything, and love them in the truest way I believe...
I am still the one who respects others' decisions... Maybe I do it too much...
But, I know that it's probably not how ordinary person would think,
but my greed of having is limited to myself...
That is, I just want myself to be somebody I want and I've wanted for last two years, and that's all...
I'd be happy if I can be with people I love, but nothing can be done if they say no... I am not sure that being around me is always a correct idea... I know it's out of my reach, and I might try, but I won't do much... I will just let it go...
Well, I guess that's the way I am now...
Even if I met somebody who portrays several aspects of people I love, somebody I think I can love, if that person thinks I am just an ordinary somebody, then it is it. I might try to prove, if that person gives a chance, but if that person does not, I will not do anything... I won't fight for my happiness... All I want is other people to be happy... and I don't want to be the reason for their unhappiness.
I find it extremely funny... How one can change... and how a firm and steadfast philosophy and understanding of existence makes every little thing to be different...
Yeah, I can endure my sadness, but I can't endure that of others...
Understand me?
