Now is not time for any deviation from the very reason why I came here.
Now, finally, I am cleared to go to the Philippines,
and now is time to pour and give all I got!!!
Time for concentration, 【洪】!!!
Let's get it done!!!
Don't think of anything else!!!
You've ruined enough...
I control my mind pretty well...
It's like self-hypnotizing...
Yes, I talk to myself a lot, maybe that helped? I do not know.
But it's possible it has something to do with it.
For crying out loud, I have been alone all the time~
It works in many ways.
Although it's usually curses when I say something to myself
- since I don't really say bad of someone else unless it's something really bad -
it usually was to calm myself [my temper...],
it makes me to like or dislike someone,
it either discourages me by calling myself a dumb ass,
or encourages me by calling myself the genius...
Why do I do it?
I don't know.
How did I start to do it?
I don't really know either.
But I think I tried a couple of times,
and it kinda worked.
But funny thing is, it is easy to make myself to like someone,
but the other way is kinda hard, although it's still been successful.
Well, why do I do it?
I think I can answer.
Whatever happens, I feel I am detached from people.
I do not know why... but it keeps coming all the time.
Maybe it's my bad memory keep haunting me.
Maybe it's the bad memory already built within me as a complex.
But after all, I like to have companies.
And guess what...
So far, the only really sucessful way for me to have companies was to have people around me who are exploitative of me... Except a few real good friends, that is.
Well, now that I am here,
sometimes, I still feel that the cultural barrier is in everywhere, too.
The pattern is so hard to observe for me to adjust.
Yes, the pattern I said, that's what I have been doing all the time for 10 years.
I don't know...
I am kinda saddened by my social life.
I feel very pathetic of myself.
Well, I guess self-hypnotizing would relieve some part of it again.
Well, I can always do math or some readings to forget these things for a whiel...Hehe...
Remember why you are here...
Remember the opportunity cost of you being here...
You can't do the things you want to do all the time...
You just can't!
This is the way it's supposed to be...
To become what you think the universe wants you to be,
There has to be a lot of sacrifices.
Sad, you may be.
But it can't be helped.
This is just the way it has to be.
