When it comes to something with my career, I plan every scenario - whether it's something in the near future or far into the future,
and check my feasibility, required steps, and adjustments meticulously.
But when it comes to my personal life, I just go with the flow.
While riding the flow, I often find my center outside of myself.
She then becomes the focal point of stream that I dreamed of -
but still not something I never planned.
I learned that I can barely handle my being, and I am not to be in a demanding position of the other.
It only results in some sort of devastation in my end,
and my future cannot afford such.
And now... Hmm...
For recent years, I thought I found a flow.
Well, thinking back, maybe I wasn't sure because it was so slow.
It was so slow that I thought it was also steady,
so I believe I kept dreaming it heading to the calm.
I thought the flow was going very slow but smoothly towards a vast blue ocean,
instead it ran towards a high waterfall,
which was too high that all the water drops either broke into pieces as they hit the ground,
or evaporated into the air as if they never were a part of the flow, never were a part of the steady calm flow.
I think I know the reason of such plummet.
Marriage, I believe, is something I should't plan, it's something you only dream of.
It'd only work if two parties want to plunge themselves in dreaming together, instead of planning it.
When it's something about matters with a her, then everything about that her and I feels both natural and surreal, like if it weren't real, like if it were a dream.
And, yet again, it turns out my feeling was right in at least one part - not real.
Brain won again.
No surprises.
Going back to work.
and check my feasibility, required steps, and adjustments meticulously.
But when it comes to my personal life, I just go with the flow.
While riding the flow, I often find my center outside of myself.
She then becomes the focal point of stream that I dreamed of -
but still not something I never planned.
I learned that I can barely handle my being, and I am not to be in a demanding position of the other.
It only results in some sort of devastation in my end,
and my future cannot afford such.
And now... Hmm...
For recent years, I thought I found a flow.
Well, thinking back, maybe I wasn't sure because it was so slow.
It was so slow that I thought it was also steady,
so I believe I kept dreaming it heading to the calm.
I thought the flow was going very slow but smoothly towards a vast blue ocean,
instead it ran towards a high waterfall,
which was too high that all the water drops either broke into pieces as they hit the ground,
or evaporated into the air as if they never were a part of the flow, never were a part of the steady calm flow.
I think I know the reason of such plummet.
Marriage, I believe, is something I should't plan, it's something you only dream of.
It'd only work if two parties want to plunge themselves in dreaming together, instead of planning it.
When it's something about matters with a her, then everything about that her and I feels both natural and surreal, like if it weren't real, like if it were a dream.
And, yet again, it turns out my feeling was right in at least one part - not real.
Brain won again.
No surprises.
Going back to work.
