I loved mathematics because of the patterns I recognized and observed.
I was never excellent in calculations.
I had good senses, but I was never on the better side of calculations.
I always relied more on the patterns I observed, only the truth I observed - thus often had trouble for translating the pattern I observed to the others.
In some combinatorics class, I could perceive the pattern, but there were occasions that I could never explain well to the others because the pattern was perceived out of nowhere, not from any logical deduction.
When I see a pattern, I know what it is and I know how it works.
Apparently, these patterns I've noticed are not only from numbers, elements, figures, imaginations of n-dimensional objects.
I am great at picking up human behavioral patterns, too.
Also, I am great at gathering information.
I know every person is different and everyone is filled with their own idiosyncrasies, but they live in their own patterns and I notice them.
I get sad that I notice them.
I get sad that I can observe all of those in the vast sea of information and remember them.
Once those are coupled with distrust, nothing is good.
I blame the people who taught me of distrust in the world.
If I had not known distrust, I at least won't be this much disappointed and take things negatively.
