【洪】ILHONG's Words

Hmm... Although I am not giving all the best I can for the result I want in the GRE, which I might take in a few months, I do have some plans...

I don't think I can plan further of my life until the part when I might be entering a graduate school rather than the current one - the mathematics graduate studies in the Ateneo de Manila University.

Not that I find it shameful to study in the Ateneo de Manila University again as a graduate student, but, I do have idea that this is not for my best... And some people, including my parents think that this is a hopeless track of my life...

And, I do feel that all thier backtalks finally influence and urge me to go elsewhere... where it seems pretty clear that they do not know...

However, I do plan - and hope - that with a good result in the GRE, I want to find myself to study the Asian studies, or the linguistics, which I think I might do better and have interests...

Doing mathematics has been a heartbreaking experience... Indeed, it was...

I do hope that I can do better in the mathematics, too... However, I think it might be too difficult to attain what I want, which is not really something concrete...

However, it is such a pity that I am no longer confident about what I hoped myself to be when I grow up...

I doubt how much help I will be getting from doing what I am doing now...

That is, naming such deed as "Lexicon Studies"...

It might sound ridiculous, as it is sometimes to me , however, I do try hard to get serious on what I am doing, and I wish to have a good result in the end, not mainly ue to my intelligence (as a human being), but due to my endeavor...

I never achived something out of my endeavor. I hightly was leaned on my ability that I had since I was born, which was never cultivated... It is amazing how much I achived so far, however, I do not get satisfied of the "I"...

I am craving more and better results in my life - as every person in early twenties would feel...

Now, I wish to achive something from my endeavor, and with GRE test to come up in a few months, I wish to have some result. I now know that such test is not based on one's skill but one's hardship...

Now, I say like this, but it will come as it will be...

For two days, I missed to go to gym...

Well, I do not enjoy walking in the rain alone - if I am with a girl with an umbrella, I might enjoy......

Today, now, there are lightnings and thunders...
I do not wish to go to gym now, where there is a big chance that I might meet storm on the way return and wet my sneakers and wash again...

Anyway, I didn't sleep for last two days and nights, and I finally slept this morning after studying a little and killing time over the night. I slept around 8 am, after trying all the possibilities that might make me sleepy.

Those are eating noodles, drinking milk, and reading bible...

One strange thing, though, is that I was neither sleepy nor tired...
I was never like ....

I really wanted to sleep, but it was not because I was sleepy or so... It wasa strange experience... but it happened...

I am worrying that I might be experiencing insomnia...hope not, though. I might have plenty of time to study lexicons, but I might be easily embarassed and messs with my concentration...