During my last vacation trip to Asia, I could have skipped Korea and could have gone straight to my parents in the Philippines. I had a complete right to do it in my mind because I haven't seen my parents for years. But I decided to spend almost of a half of my trip in Korea.
1) I have not seen my relatives for over 7 years. A majority of those I miss is honestly my cousins from mother-side. If my father-side cousins ever read this, don't feel bad. If you are reading this, then it most likely means I at least had called you, and that means I care about you just as much. I am the eldest in mother-side (although one of the youngest in my paternal family), and I somehow felt this responsibility of being one and felt sorry for not being around during their teens and when my aunt passed away and one of them got really sick. Also, I owe a lot to my aunts and uncles who helped with me and my parents on this and that.
2) I have not been to my grand parents' graves (except once) or funerals, so I was really sorry and I was itching to pay a visit - even if it'd be just a few seconds. (I am pretty old school and that's how grew up.)
3) I was curious about Korea. I remember that I could observe such a change whenever I visited Korea from the Philippines. I used to make at least an annual trip to Korea until Korea started to fuck around with my passport and military issues (a long story, and there is no other word better describes it than "fuck around").
4) I was hoping to spend some time with friends (from Korea, Philippines now in Korea, and JYK).
5) Going to the US embassy in Seoul is less of a pain than going to the one in Manila.
So, I went to Korea on June 26, 2010. My flight left SFO at 1:30 PM and arrived in Korea June 27, 6:00 PM. I didn't expect nobody to greet me from the airport because my cousin CWH's condition became worse with him staying overnight to watch World Cup matches, but my uncle was in airport greeting me. I totally didn't expect and literally could've walked past him as he didn't notice me and I was listening to Eminem through noise-cancelling earphones. I just barely noticed him when he was by my side as I walked my way through.
I was so excited to see my cousins whom I remembered so young and still babies, and my aunts and uncles. It was strange to observe that the way they treat me has changed and how my cousins have grown up (which implied how old I've become). During the first night, I was out to have a couple beers with 3 of my closest cousins. Drinking with my baby cousins was something that I've never done in my life, and it felt so good to see they've grown up - yet still see the kids I remember in them.
I will admit that I spent a lot for their gifts and for them during the trip, more than I would spend for myself, but I still that I didn't treat them well enough. I was glad of a job that gave me a chance to even provide some pocket money to them when I left, made me feel like a real 형/오빠. Of course, barely 6 days of treating them as well as I could doesn't mean I've paid back the whole period of my absence when they needed me around. I know there were times I was needed and could have made their lives a little better.
I've seen my aunts and uncles a lot when I was still in Korea, and I rarely feel uneasiness I feel when I am with a majority of people. I honestly was worried that they wouldn't feel as close to me due to the 7 year gap of not seeing them, but obviously I was mistaken. They were very hearty people back then, and they were hearty still. I also know they also were truly glad to see me and tried to treat me well during my trip. No fake.
Somehow, this blood thing is really weird. It really does define what's being a family and draws a line against everyone else in the world. Of course, not everyone blood-related is as nice as I've described above, but I am glad to have someone like those around me, and they will be always in my thoughts.
I am just really sorry that I didn't meet some of my dad-side cousins like RSH, RMH and HHJ... but it was great to see my uncle and aunt in Suwon, the eldest of my dad-side family.
Three weeks after I left Korea, I find myself trying to email them often and calling them often in missing them. I've never had a sibling to grow up, but I never envied because I've always had baby cousins who I knew were just like my siblings, if not more... and I hear them telling me they miss me so as well. I miss my uncles and aunts, too.
I shall always keep in touch with them calling at least one of them every weekend.
