Hmm... Although I am not giving all the best I can for the result I want in the GRE, which I might take in a few months, I do have some plans...
I don't think I can plan further of my life until the part when I might be entering a graduate school rather than the current one - the mathematics graduate studies in the Ateneo de Manila University.
Not that I find it shameful to study in the Ateneo de Manila University again as a graduate student, but, I do have idea that this is not for my best... And some people, including my parents think that this is a hopeless track of my life...
And, I do feel that all thier backtalks finally influence and urge me to go elsewhere... where it seems pretty clear that they do not know...
However, I do plan - and hope - that with a good result in the GRE, I want to find myself to study the Asian studies, or the linguistics, which I think I might do better and have interests...
Doing mathematics has been a heartbreaking experience... 
Indeed, it was...
I do hope that I can do better in the mathematics, too... However, I think it might be too difficult to attain what I want, which is not really something concrete...
However, it is such a pity that I am no longer confident about what I hoped myself to be when I grow up...
I doubt how much help I will be getting from doing what I am doing now...
That is, naming such deed as "Lexicon Studies"...
It might sound ridiculous, as it is sometimes to me 
, however, I do try hard to get serious on what I am doing, and I wish to have a good result in the end, not mainly ue to my intelligence (as a human being), but due to my endeavor...
I never achived something out of my endeavor. I hightly was leaned on my ability that I had since I was born, which was never cultivated... It is amazing how much I achived so far, however, I do not get satisfied of the "I"...
I am craving more and better results in my life - as every person in early twenties would feel...
Now, I wish to achive something from my endeavor, and with GRE test to come up in a few months, I wish to have some result. I now know that such test is not based on one's skill but one's hardship...
Now, I say like this, but it will come as it will be...
Memories last with feelings of the incidents (as long as you remember).
Memories are the experiences about incidents that last longer than the orignial incidents. The feelings last, too, in the same way as memories do.
One cannot ignore the karma of oneself. Everything is on you to depend. You are for everyone else in the world.
Past may be the past. However, every single moment in time is a new beginning. This new beginning is detached from the past.
Every single moment of time is a point. We are walking on a line of points. It may seem like past is connected to now (and to the future), however, if you can take a close look at how the lines are lengthened, it's a separate point that you are stepping on.
I do have moments I fantasize and reminisce, however, I know that I am standing on a new point, and I try to live "fully human" on every step I make on every point.
