On Nationality:
It's been a long time since I gave up any idea of nationality.
Sure, there are still people filled with ideas of what nation they are from, and I understand them.
But I am just not one of them.
Sure, I lived in Korea for the first 12 years of my life and I have good memories of that place.
But since I left Korea, that state's various institutions gave me more trouble than any other institutions.
I have a place in my heart for Korea, but it's just a state on the earth for me - a place with memory and where my relatives are. Nothing more and nothing less.
Then I spent 9 years in the Philippines. That's, of course, one of my beloved places and I have a lot of sympathy and indifference (if you know the Philippines, you would understand why this is the best attitude toward her on some aspects). Now, this is also just a state for me as well. During my time here, Korea gave me so much issues, I grew all my indifference to Korea in 9 years. I couldn't hate it - I simply am not good in hating, so I never really hate anything in the world except a couple of things with personal reasons, so I preferred to be indifferent to Korea. And at the same time with so many issues within the Philippines as well, indifference to the Philippines grew, tool.
Now I am on my 5th year in the US. I love to be here because I gained control of my life here and began a new phase after all the enlightenment in the last 2 years in the Philippines. But of course, the catch is that I have the full control of my life, so I am constantly stressed to do something productive and not to waste any time. Here, I do have friends but my family still is in the Philippines and I value my personal life much more and I am still treated as an international easily by people and institutions. It's hard to be attached to the US.
Every country has given me something good and something bad that other than my genuine humanly care, I don't have any sense of belonging with any. (Perhaps the only place I am attached to is San Francisco now.)
So, when I watch Olympics, I don't really cheer for any country or anybody these days - except Kim Yuna, because I have been exposed to her so much due to Korean media. Just because I know how hard she worked for all better than other athletes. When I watch sports, I just want to see hard works paying off. That's why I felt terrible for other figure skaters who competed against Kim Yuna, because all their hard works were outshone by Kim Yuna, who might a rare combination of gift and hard work - a heavenly combination of decades.
I identify myself as a human being before anything else - as much as I try to stay true to the definition of human being I have: a being in be-ing, a being with soul. From there on, I don't see any necessity to add additional tag next to me. Yeah, I make racial jokes at times, but I do because I really don't care. Laughter is more important in any possible way.
On Hard Work and Efforts:
Probably this is one of many reasons why I am so open to watching various sports, because I can imagine all their efforts they are exerting.
I am still working on learning and executing on how to put up efforts myself. I know what I can do and how much I can do. It's only natural since I have been focused only on analyzing reasons and thought processes ever since I could think. But due to my awareness to capabilities, I tend to slack off at times and not put in my best efforts.
I have been trying to improve on that for last 7 years, and I have improved a lot. But my old self still surfaces at times and I begin slacking off. When I watch sports, I am reminded to work my ass off.
I am still growing my soul, and I will until I die.
